Of course I'm not asking for any information about her. It's none of my business, is it ? And I'm none of her business either, I suppose. I can't imagin you've been telling her about our unofficial situation, have you ? She probably thinks you've been divorced for a couple of years, end of story.

But I think about her all the time. I could even know her, she could be one of my former students. She could be someone who works in one of the companies I work with. She could be that woman, there, in the street. Or that one. No, maybe not that one. Too old. That other one isn't really your type. Maybe you have a different type, suddenly. Maybe she's more beautiful than I am, maybe she's smarter. Maybe she's taller, mayber she's skinnier. Is she younger than I am ? Maybe she's a bitch. Maybe she'll hate me and try to make my life as difficult as possible. Maybe she'll be horrible to my son. Maybe she'll boss him around and impose her rules. Does she have children ? No, you wouldn't go for a woman with children of her own, would you ? Too complicated.  Or would you ? Will she make a difference between her children and my son ? Will she resent my son and want her own baby, and then reject my son from her family ? You want more children, and no woman our age is going to miss out on a opportunity to have kids with a nice enough chap who earns well and does the dishes and wants kids.  You're going to have babies.  Without me. 

I want to die.