So ill, in spite of your indifference, that I ended up in hospital, with a kidney infection.  Had to dump our son at a friend's because you weren't up after a late night and couldn't have him.  I suppose after you woke up a bit more you felt slightly bad about your lack of concern, because you offered to come and get me after my doctor's appointment and drive me home.  I had to accept, as I couldn't drive.

But the thing is, when I went to the doctor's, he sent me to the hospital.  Because of the kidney infection, and also because we found out, through all those tests, that I am pregnant.  This has to be a bad telenovella.  I am badly impersonating a stupid teenager, who deludes herself into believing she is loved, gets dumped for another woman, and finds out she's pregnant two weeks later.  This is not possible, it can't be happening.  If it were in a film or a book, it would be dismissed as unlikely.

How can I be pregnant?  I'm 37, we used condoms, and those two times when it slipped or you didn't, I took a morning-after pill.  It ruined my menstrual cycle, and now I don't know when my last period was.  And the doctor said 5 days of such high temperatures at such an early stage were very likely to have been very damageable to the baby.  But at the hospital, I went for a scan, and it's fine.  It's exactly the way it should be now.  How can this be possible?  How can this baby be? And still be? 

You were great while we were in the hospital.  The priority was getting me better.  And then you went to pick our son up and kept him with you for the next 3 days, until I began to be better and could take proper care of him.  But then we had to talk about It, of course. 

The problem is, I can't get an abortion.  And you want me to have one.  You don't want me to ruin your life with a baby.  Ruin her life with that baby.  Ruin my life with that baby.  Ruin everyone's life with that baby, you say.  But I can't.  I just can't.  And you hate me.  You are lashing out at me, being unfair and insulting and aggressive.  I understand that you're upset, I even agree with you that it would be simpler for everyone if I didn't have that baby. 

But I can't do it.