29 avril 2016

So I was ill

So ill, in spite of your indifference, that I ended up in hospital, with a kidney infection.  Had to dump our son at a friend's because you weren't up after a late night and couldn't have him.  I suppose after you woke up a bit more you felt slightly bad about your lack of concern, because you offered to come and get me after my doctor's appointment and drive me home.  I had to accept, as I couldn't drive. But the thing is, when I went to the doctor's, he sent me to the hospital.  Because of the kidney infection,... [Lire la suite]
Posté par Charismas à 22:01 - Commentaires [0] - Permalien [#]

22 avril 2016

Spiraling down

So now I'm ill. Pretty ill. I feel ridiculous, like Marianne in Sense and Sensibility, collapsing with high fevers after she get dumped by her worthless lover. I was always Elinor, never Marianne. But here I am, with fevers going over 40 degrees for the last three days, not being able to go to work, which is a disaster when you run your own business. And as for Marianne, my worthless lover doesn't seem to be terribly concerned either. He never asked about my state of health since I handed our son over two days ago. It looks like... [Lire la suite]
Posté par Charismas à 03:36 - Commentaires [0] - Permalien [#]
18 avril 2016

Day 8

Yesterday, you came and brought our son home after the weekend at your parents. As we'd agreed, we had dinner together, as usual, so that nothing is disrupted for our son. Nothing, except one of these days he's going to find another woman one Sunday morning in daddy's bed instead of me. I can't stop thinking about it, about you, about her, about the two of you together. Yesterday you left very early after dinner. You had been looking at the clock a lot before that. Is it just that you're uncomfortable around me now, or is it that... [Lire la suite]
Posté par Charismas à 21:17 - Commentaires [0] - Permalien [#]
18 avril 2016

The Other Woman

Of course I'm not asking for any information about her. It's none of my business, is it ? And I'm none of her business either, I suppose. I can't imagin you've been telling her about our unofficial situation, have you ? She probably thinks you've been divorced for a couple of years, end of story. But I think about her all the time. I could even know her, she could be one of my former students. She could be someone who works in one of the companies I work with. She could be that woman, there, in the street. Or that one. No, maybe not... [Lire la suite]
Posté par Charismas à 04:10 - Commentaires [0] - Permalien [#]
17 avril 2016

Me, in an Act of Desperation

When you told me that you had met someone, I felt like you had kicked me in the stomach. I literally couldn't breathe properly for the next few hours, and on and off for the next few days.  Whenever I hear your words, over and over again in my mind, I feel like I'm suffocating. I left your appartment, your sofa. I dorve myself home in a stupor, so slowly, because I could focus on what I was doing.   I howled. I cried. I sobbed. I hyperventilated. Of course, I stopped eating.This is what I do, you know that. I want to die. I... [Lire la suite]
Posté par Charismas à 03:45 - Commentaires [0] - Permalien [#]
16 avril 2016

And so it is, Now

Yes, I know we've been officially separated for the last two years. And yes, I know we've been actually divorced for a year. And that you've told me, several times, that you wanted to meet someone else, move one, have a new life.  But I chose to look at your actions and didn't listen to your words.And to be completely honest, here, you knew what I was doing, and what you were doing. You knew I still loved you, I wrote it to you only two months ago and we had a huge fight over it. You chose to keep on having sex with me for the... [Lire la suite]
Posté par Charismas à 03:44 - Commentaires [0] - Permalien [#]